Finishing my third drink while seeking the waitress’s attention I come to the realization that all the passengers from flight AA240 have departed my immediate visual sight range. Families have rejoined, friends are catching up, and suitcases are being emptied as closets are filled. This all the while I am sitting with no purpose drinking overpriced cocktails by myself. My mind plays a cruel joke as my train of thought is temporarily wiped clean. Maybe this is a way of foreshadowing what can be looked forward too as I grow decrepitly old. Seconds before I finalize my diagnoses of underage Alzheimer’s I realize why I am at an airport in North Dakota drinking overpriced cocktails by myself.
The negotiation process was simple. They wanted me to write. Simple for a writer, one would think. During the first and only interview I presented myself with no emotion, no excitement, and no personality. A question and answer session ensued. Each question was greeted with an answer slowly with intentional monotones similar to a Ben Stein commercial. This annoyed the three suites that made up my interview board at the bullet book publishing company. To entertain myself I attempted to visualize what they were expecting. Either I was supposed to be awkwardly nervous meeting with a big time publishing company being a young author or I was supposed to be overly excited with the opportunity to impress my judges in attempt to fulfill my lifelong dream. Always I am pleased to disappoint preconceived expectations. I attempted to exude an ambiance of a veteran author that felt disrespected for an interview being necessary. All this a load of bullshit of course being the majority of my time away from writing was submitting my works to publishers. The day I received interest from bullet book I became numb with the feeling of unreality. The numbness passed and I quickly shifted to creative mode on how to approach this opportunity and capitalize. My first attempt was too generic and sad to the point of laughter. Rounding up self help material such as “First impressions are lasting” and “Interview do’s and don’ts”. Compiling tips and tricks that ever interviewer has heard more times than Wilt Chamberlain has gotten the clap I decided to go a different route.
After a brief two minutes of picking my brain and tapping into my one true gift, creativity I had my answer. They are looking for someone to write, this has nothing to do with selling myself I am selling my craft, my skills, my art. At this point I was tempted to contact Bullet books with several pieces of writing attached to blank email with only a subject line simply stating “Send the Check”. Feeling satisfied with myself as if I had just got my dick sucked while taking a dump and drinking a brew (Holy trinity) I came close to clicking send finalizing my previous intentions. Then with a screeching halt I noticed the signature block from the Bullet Book Publishing read Chicago. Every Sunday growing up my Grandma would gather the “sales papers” and compile a three foot list of items on sale that Wal-Mart would match. When Pepsi products were on sale she would be overcome with happiness with an uncontrollable primal need to alert every family member in the general local telephone coverage area, Aunt Lucile lived in Florida and was shit out of luck if Grandma was going to call long distance. Once we arrived at the corporate mega chain know as Wal-Mart (Wally World to annoying fucking people) every costumer with a 12 pack of a Pepsi product was also informed of this phenomenon. The look on my Grandma’s face as she doubled check the receipt to verify the fifteen 12-packs of various Pepsi product were actually totaled at $23.88 is the only way I can to describe my own expression when I realized I could get a free trip to Chicago.
No comments:
Post a Comment