Today at this moment just as "W" declared war on terror, I Wizini aka TJ Wiseman, declare war on America's true enemy, the elusive GYPSY. Yes the dirty Gypsies roam from point A to point B, but unlike any respectable human being they never attempt to return to there previous destination. Though it may be wrong to judge a person for being different and you can judge me for my prejudice but I ask you one question. Are you a member of a social networking site: Myspace, Facebook, Twitter, etc. If you are and indeed, claim to own an account on any of these types of sites, you my friend, are not a Gypsy. Congratulations. Time to celebrate like Jimmy Buffet after he found that GOD DAMN salt shaker. Gypsies have no knowledge of the internet. Giving the Gypsies nature hypothetically if they did use the internet they would not use it to make friends and keep in contact with family. Could you imagine changing your profile information that often, no one would know where you actually lived and the confusion would probably destroy the entire website maybe even the entire internet. Al Gore would be pissed beyond belief first global warming then manbearpig then the internet is destroyed. All because of the ones they call Gypsies.
You may ask why Wizini, why the Gypsies? This answer is very complex and if I was to list all the dreaded Gypsy traits my fingers would be raw at the prints, blood would ooze on to my keyboard as sweat dripped from my brow and I eventually die from dehydration and radiation poisoning from the computer screen. An example of Gypsy mischief is the recent property value decline in Gilby, North Dakota caused by an emerging large Gypsy congregation. The affect of the Gypsy infestation were so drastic that some of the citizens of Gilby lost there homes and were forced to become Gypsies themselves.
One resident quotes " To hate what you have become is futile. I was once a self respecting Dollar General employee, Now I live to travel, create beaded necklaces and barter with stones. My life is like a glorious adventure." Tears began to roll down his face as he finished this quote.
You may think you have never seen a Gypsy. I wish spotting Gypsies was as easy as tracking aliens in Men in Black. You remember the scene with all the screens and Dennis Rodman was a alien. Well we don't have that for Gypsies.... Yet. Gypsies wear a assortment of rags, beads, headbands, and often lack shoes (Gypsy feet are similar to 80 grid sandpaper). Instead of explain the horrid fashion of these nomadic home shifters I will include photos for your viewing pleasure.
Male Gypsy
As you can see the male Gypsy is comparable to a bi sexual Arabian Chip N' Dale's dancer on half off Mondays. Notice the undersized vest and overly eccentric metal belt. Imagine Captain Jack Sparrow shipwrecked while navigating the sands of Egypt. Not exactly the Caribbean. While walking aimlessly in the scorching heat of the dessert a little red corvette offers him a ride. Of course navigating this American muscle car is the artist formerly know as Prince. The two drive toward the nearest Orange Julius as the sun goes down. Prince being a sexual deviate and Sparrow having all that hot pend up male sexual attraction from three movies with Orlando Bloom become aroused. Prince rapes Sparrow even though he was willing, It was more of a role play scenario. There you have it! Seven months later a typical male Gypsy is born.Side note: Unlike most people gypsies are born only in seven months. This because they lack normal human qualities such as purpose of life and souls. I bet you didn't learn that in school.
Female Gypsies
The sneaky serene know as the female Gypsy. This damsel that causes distress will lure you in with her low cut tops and seductive jingly bracelets. As a American male I can not criticize those that fall prey to the sultry vixen of the " here today gone tomorrow" lifestyle. I will forewarn those thwarted by this temptresses sex appeal. Remember the girl in school that eloped with nearly every man except you or if you are much cooler then I, the girl that you started a forty man choo choo on. Imagine instead of that female being confided to one high school or university, she was a worldwide traveler amassing a vagina to penis ratio far above even the most famed pornographic film stars. If you are a believer in a trimmed playing field I suggest going to the jungle with a Rambo sized machete. On a positive if you were to impregnate a Gypsy, you can sleep easy. Gypsies are unaware of terms such as "Child Support" or "Paternity test". You will just have to live knowing your seed may come back to one day and camp out in your back yard while playing kazoo and dancing in front of a fire half naked on mescaline. Don't worry though little Tobar will not have a clue your are his father, his mother will tell of how the winds blew up her ruffled dress and seven months later the spirits gave her a son.
To Be Continued....
Now that I have open the worlds eyes to the menacing gypsy go out and spread the word. I will continue to post more on this subject and educate society. The biggest thing I want you to take from this is you as citizens have rights.
The right to say "Get the fuck out of my back yard gypsy." or "It's three in the morning, stop playing that piece of shit tambourine, you have no rhythm and look like the off spring of Jack Sparrow and Prince."
Soon I will post a link to order your very own "Get out of my yard Gypsy" T-Shirt. Order ASAP supply will be limited and orders will be autographed by yours truly at request.
FYI Gilby, North Dakota is a real city if you would like go to this site too learn more
http://www.epodunk.com/cgi-bin/genInfo.php?locIndex=271710
Unfortunately you will no find anything about the "Gypsy Infestation" Due to embarrassment the city has destroyed all records of the occurrence.
*** Author note
I apologize to those that may feel I have a racist or prejudice view in this post. My attention are to entertain and not to offend. But it's not comedy if no one is offended. So hopefully someone gets pissed and upset. I am not concerned with the Gypsy population being that they do not partake the world wide web. But to the rest of you sensitive type. Oops my bad.
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